I'm not okay

You don't understand how pain was it
How pain to see you and the girls
Especially they are my friends


Do you know how hard to reach the light
How hard to see the sun shine? ):
Even though I know what's the answer but why do I still ask?
I'm stupid enough to. I guess?

This year I kept insulting myself
I think back. How much I love myself last time
WHY NOT NOW?
Maybe I've got quite much insult?
Trying to love my self.Trying to love everyone
Trying to do what's Christian suppose to
Sorry Lord. I might not listen you sometimes
Sorry for being another side of me which is idiotic
Sorry for being negative
I'll try my super best to be more positive. I wish to love myself like how much I love myself last time

I don't understand.
I used to be a really cheerful person but why do I look so fragile?
I don't like for who I am right now.
You don't get it cause you're not me